Zodiac Protest Signs

by Luisa Napulad

ARIES: The people demand revolution and a celebratory out-of-town getaway afterwards, preferably a road trip to Bataan, or a hike up the nearest mountain.

 

TAURUS: We will fight for as long as it takes, but make sure to give the government some leeway so as not to confuse your demands with conceit — common among Tauruses.

 

GEMINI: There is a need to liberalize the current hegemonic authoritarianism in order to attain the dream of democratization, but do you really know what all these big English words mean?

 

CANCER: I am not pro-government, but pro-Philippines and pro-meeting the potential love of your life at the next People Power Rally, which may or may not lead to parenthood.

 

LEO: Unite for our poor brothers and sisters, unless they’re late to the assembly. Cut out that negativity from your life.

 

VIRGO: You exercise your right to protest from the comfort of your own home, to illustrate active nonviolence. You also just bought these shoes.

 

LIBRA: Learn to recognize that nobody is perfect. In other words, all aspects of modern society deserve to be burned at the stake.

 

SCORPIO: Remember to get your daily exercise. Today, try sucker punching a riot cop, the unfeeling right hand of Malacañan.

 

SAGITTARIUS: Locate a middleground between utilitarianism, Kantian deontology, and virtue ethics within the context of the Philippine situation. Scream your findings unintelligibly at the enemy.

 

CAPRICORN: Only when we dissolve these Yellow v. Red dichotomies will we attain peace. I mean, not that anyone listens to Capricorns but you just want to put it out there.

 

AQUARIUS: Science says no to the death penalty! Science also says no to human beings. Death to human beings.

 

PISCES: Lead the crowd in a chant of “This is what democracy looks like!” This is the only time they’ll ever notice you’re there.