So You Think You’re Kinky

A practical, no bullshit guide to exploring the world of BDSM at your own pleasure.

by Philbert Dy, art by Mags Ocampo
This month, we’re exploring sex and politics in our magazine, and we’ve got a pretty good feature on the local BDSM scene. Perhaps this has awakened something in you. Perhaps you’ve always felt that there was something missing in your sexual experience, or that you’ve been holding something in. Well, maybe you’re kinky. And that’s not a bad thing. It can be tough and a little scary, especially in the context of a Catholic nation, to try and explore one’s kinks, but there are practical steps one can take to start to feel comfortable with the strangeness that gets you off. So put down that copy of 50 Shades of Grey, and stop denying yourself the enjoyment of the things that you might really enjoy. The truth is, you're not alone. Just follow these very simple steps to find other people who like what you like, and they can help you find the happiness that you didn't know you needed.

STEP 1: Figure out what it is that you’re into.

 

It is best, before fully diving into the scene, to do a little self-exploration. One should always try to come into any situation with as much information as possible, and it’ll help later on to be very clear about what it is that you like. There are actually resources that can help you out. The Internet BDSM Test is ultimately somewhat reductive, but it’s a good first step in figuring out your particular flavor of kink. If nothing else, it might provide you with the keywords you might use to search for further material. Go Incognito in your browsers and start to explore this vast world of fetish from the safety and comfort of your computer.

 

STEP 2: Join Fetlife.

 

Fetlife is basically kinky Facebook. And like Facebook, it has its ups and downs. There are always going to be assholes in any given social group. But this site is likely going to be your best resource for finding like-minded individuals. It is simply one how dips one’s toe into the local BDSM scene. Create a profile and start exploring the site. Again, the keywords that you gained from step one will be pretty useful here. They’ll likely help in identifying yourself as a certain class of kinkster, and will help in matching you up later on.

 

STEP 3: Start talking to people

 

So you’ve clicked around Fetlife, and you’ve spotted a couple of people that might share your interests. It might be time to send out a message. Be respectful. Make it clear that you are someone just starting to explore these interests, and are eager to learn. Maybe you join one of the local groups. There are two major BDSM groups in Metro Manila, and a handful of smaller groups that are either more localized or more specific in interests. Check those communities out, because they provide a pretty safe framework for meeting other kinksters out in the real world.

 

STEP 4: Go to a munch

 

When you finally feel comfortable enough to maybe really try to take this out into the real world, the thing to do would be to attend a munch. A munch is a casual meetup of BDSM folks, generally out in some public place like a coffee shop. It’s really just a social gathering. It’s actually kind of likely that you’ve been in proximity of a munch without knowing it. Because kinky people don’t necessarily look any different from non-kinky people. So you get to meet like-minded individuals in a pretty safe, normal context. Maybe you make a few new friends. Maybe it goes further than that.

 

STEP 5: Have fun

 

There isn’t really much more to it than that. The world of BDSM may seem arcane and strange at first, but it’s really just a bunch of people trying to have fun. It’s best to think of it in this way. Some people like running, and some people like getting tied up. It’s fine. There are people who take it to extremes, and people who are just plain assholes, but that isn’t any different from any other social group. Try not to be an asshole yourself, keep every safe, sane and consensual, and maybe you’ll end up getting exactly what you want.