Now that a new word for male genitalia crops up every other day, keeping up with the times is pretty hard. From the wonders of a Diva Cup to the mysteries of felching, here’s an A to Z guide on sex that you didn’t think you’d ever need (but maybe actually do.)
A – Anti Discrimination Act
As the only law that directly concerns the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community, the Anti Discrimination Act seeks to provide the same privileges to anyone, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. While it looks to prohibit a specific number of acts that unfairly discriminate against the LGBT community (such as situations in work and school), it does not aim to legalize same-sex marriage or unions. But do its critics see it that way? Considering how it’s been debated over in Congress so far, we still have a long way to go before narrow-minded interest groups stop demanding for the most ridiculous things, like separate bathrooms and even separate schools for the LGBT. How the hell do we un-fuck this up?
B – Bench
To bench someone in modern dating is a lot like basketball—that horrible feeling that comes with being part of the team but not quite being able to play in the game. Benching happens when a person you date sends mixed signals, offering great banter on iMessage one day—then suddenly going quiet for a few weeks. This drives you crazy: you’re totally done, you’ve forgotten about her, until she sends another witty text that makes you think, “Why’d I let this person go?” Benchers keep their options open just in case a better romantic partner comes along. Until then, they bait their existing prospects in the hopes of not dying alone someday. (See: Ghost)
C – Cockblock
It used to be that cockblocking was limited to the male species, in which the fragile male ego crumbles at the thought of another man getting in the way of his carnal desires. These days, cockblocking has expanded to not only refer to another person pursuing the same romantic prospect, but also ignorant friends who ask for car rides home (when said romantic prospect lives in the other side of town), or younger siblings who don’t knock before they enter. The female version of this practice is known as “clamjamming,” but this isn’t quite as popular a term as the much douchier aforementioned.
D Diva Cup
The Diva Cup is a commercial brand for the menstrual cup, an environment-friendly alternative to disposable sanitary products. This reusable bell-shaped device is worn internally and sits low in the vaginal canal. Unlike pads or tampons, the Diva Cup collects your menstruation for up to 12 hours. It’s been around since the 1930s, and has gained popularity in the last few years as an eco-conscious solution to all the waste produced by other blood-absorbing sanitary options. Like the tampon, using the Diva Cup does not rob you of your virginity. Worried moms, you can breathe a sigh of relief.
E – Erotic fiction
Erotic fiction has been around for centuries, spawning more iterations, thanks to the internet. Back in the day, the Kama Sutra was one of the more graphic of sex books; today, we have even stranger erotic literature—sex with vampires, zombies, and the occasional Yeti. And where internet erotica is largely limited to amateurs and fanfiction writers who want Harry Potter characters to have sex, publishing houses have been investing a lot of money to turn that thirst (see: Thirsty) into cold, hard cash. Chief of which is the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E.L. James, which started out as Twilight fanfiction. More recently, the After series by Anna Todd is an equally graphic tome, one that originated as a sexy One Direction fanfiction story.
F – Felch
Felching, according to psychoanalyst Mark Blechner, is an example of sexual titillation and disgust. It’s the practice of orally sucking semen out of the anus of one’s partner (whereas orally sucking semen out of a partner’s vagina is known as creampie). It’s not a totally new term to describe analingus (but a rarely used one), and first appeared on print in 1972 in The Argot of the Homosexual Subculture.
G – Ghost
The idea of ghosting first cropped up in 2014, and describes the act of gradually disappearing from the life of the person you are dating—versus outright breaking up with them. Sometimes known as a “slow fade,” ghosting withholds any explanation, leaving the ghosted party wondering where he or she went wrong. This involves, but is not limited to: seen-zoning messages, dodging phone calls, pretending to be out of town, then showing up at a party with someone new in tow. Ghosting is an act reserved for spineless losers who were probably never told that they had spinach stuck between their teeth, and therefore feel no need to inform other people about pertinent, important truths.
H – HBO
HBO is an American cable company owned by Time Warner and founded in 1972. It used to be that HBO showed us groundbreaking films like Weird Science and Only You starring pre-rehab Robert Downey Jr. In the last decade, HBO’s Original Series has not only gained critical acclaim for its envelope-pushing work (Six Feet Under, Boardwalk Empire, The Newsroom) but also popularity among audiences for its proclivity to show nudity and a whole lot of sex. Best examples of late would be Game of Thrones and Westworld. Never mind that the storylines and character development can’t hold a candle to HBO’s earlier work—the people want what they want, it seems.
I – Ilya
Owing to how sexually repressed we are as a country, sex stores are few and far between in the Philippines. This pushed Ilya, a local online sex store, to encourage an open-minded attitude to sexual paraphernalia. With a youthful and bright brand identity designed by Serious Studio, Ilya seeks to get rid of the stigma and discomfort that come with buying your own vibrator, through helpful advice, clever word play, and quality products. Jumpstart your sexual awakening at www.shopilya.com.
J – Jacking off
Jacking off is a popular term meaning male masturbation (although recently it has also been used to refer to female masturbation). Also known as fapping or jerking off, regular jacking off, it is believed, contributes to improved health and well-being. An Australian study claims that men who ejaculate more than five times a week are a third less likely to develop prostate cancer, as disease-causing toxins build up in one’s urogenital tract. So when you rub one out, you flush it out of your system. Still, that’s not a valid excuse to jack off in the bathroom of your office in the middle of the day. Not all doors are soundproof, dude.
K – Kegel Exercises
Also known as pelvic floor muscle training. Pelvic floor muscles are usually weakened by pregnancy, childbirth, surgery, and even excess weight, which may cause urinary or even fecal incontinence. To do Kegel exercises, you just need to know where your pelvic floor muscles are (try to stop your pee midstream. If you do, then you’re contracting the right muscles). The exercises are applicable to both men and women and can be performed in any position at any time. There are even devices that help you do your Kegels while multi-tasking (see: Ilya). They’re so subtle, you can strengthen your muscles down there while conducting a board meeting.
L – Lemonade
Lemonade is the critically acclaimed sixth studio album by Beyoncé. As her second visual album, Lemonade featured a haunting hour-long film and dropped a solid lineup of tracks featuring the likes of Kendrick Lamar, The Weeknd, and Jack White. Most arresting about this album is Beyoncé’s bold pronouncements about female sexuality, empowerment, and racial issues. With lyrics like “Who the fuck do you think I is / You no married to no average bitch, boy” in “Don’t Hurt Yourself” or “When he fuck me good / I take his ass to Red Lobster” in the banger hit “Formation,” Beyoncé paints herself as a vulnerable, sexual being and a certifiable queen of all things.
M – Mocha Uson
Before becoming the head cheerleader of President Duterte’s administration through her blog, Mocha Uson was best known for being a sex-positive entertainer. She once maintained a sex column for Maxim Philippines, then educated us with sex videos on stimulating the G-Spot and how to put on a condom. In that capacity, Uson is a beacon of sorts, deconstructing repressive systems and showing us that, well, it’s actually fun to have sex. But things changed: now that she’s been appointed board member of the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB), Uson has vowed to rid the small screen of what she calls “soft pornography.” To borrow from The Dark Knight, you either die a hero or live long enough to become Mocha Uson.
N – Netflix and chill
To invite someone to “Netflix and chill” sounds innocent enough, until you realize it’s a euphemism for asking someone over to have sex, with Netflix playing in the background. The term first emerged around the time Netflix offered its streaming services, and started out innocently enough, until it evolved to mean casual sex around 2015. Now you know it ain’t love if he just asks you to “Netflix and chill.”
O – Omnisexuality
Omnisexuality is sexual orientation in which attraction or romantic love is toward all people, regardless of their sex or gender identity. Omnisexuals call themselves gender-blind and are open to relationships with people who don’t identify strictly as men or women (androgynous, cisgender, transgender, intersex), thereby rejecting the gender binary. (Not to be mistaken for bisexuality, or individuals attracted to two sexes or two genders.)
P – PrEP
Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) is a daily pill for HIV prevention, a combination of anti-viral drugs tenofovir and emtricitabine.
While the drug has a 99 percent prevention rate and no major side effects, it doesn’t replace standard preventive measures like wearing a condom during sex or knowing your partner’s sexual history. It also doesn’t prevent other Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), including gonorrhea and syphilis. With the Philippines among the 74 countries identified by The Lancet
where HIV cases are on the rise, the Department of Health and World Health Organization are releasing PrEP in the first quarter of 2017.
Q – Queef
A queef is the sound the vaginal canal makes when it sucks in air and blows it back out. Also known as a vagina fart (because it sounds like one), a queef differs from a fart in that it doesn’t smell or come from your digestive system. Queefing doesn’t just happen during sexual intercourse (where your vagina expands from stimulation, allowing more air to come in), but also during exercise and other physical activities. As embarrassing as they are, trust us, hearing a vagina fart is not the most awful sound to come out of a bedroom.
R – The Reproductive Health Law
The Responsible Parenthood and Reproductive Health Act of 2012, informally know as the RH Law, guarantees Filipinos universal access to methods of contraception, fertility control, sexual education, and maternal care. Since it was introduced by Albay Representative Edcel Lagman, the RH Law has sparked great debates on whether the government should fund the widespread distribution of condoms, birth control pills, and IUDs. Of late, the Supreme Court issued a temporary restraining order on the RH Law, hindering its full implementation. Until then, we can only hope that people don’t think that pulling out is the only way to prevent pregnancy.
S – Serosorting
The practice of serosorting (or serodiscrimination) involves choosing sexual partners based on their HIV status. A person chooses a sexual partner assumed to be on the same HIV serostatus (HIV-positive or HIV-negative) in order to engage in unprotected sex with them. While serosorting seems to decrease chances of transmitting HIV, it doesn’t protect one from contracting other STDs. So however sure you are about your HIV status, it doesn’t hurt to put on a condom.
T – Thirsty
Once describing the need for a drink, being thirsty now also means experiencing a sense of excessive desperation or eagerness. Consider it the new “horny” but less gross as it doesn’t evoke imagery of Dirty Old Men picking up chicks on Ladies Night. Thirsty first appeared in the Urban Dictionary in 2003, but only recently became a term with sexual connotations.
U – Unf
Popular among Tumblr kids and straight up thirsty people on the internet, unf is the universal sound of fucking, or a suppressed moan during sexual intercourse. Meanwhile, to say “unf” to someone is to appreciate his or her physical attributes, a.k.a. checking out the hottie. Not to be mistaken with another UNF, the University of North Florida.
V – Vagetarian
No to be confused with folks who observe a plant-based diet, a vagetarian is a person who strictly has sex with women. While the term is popular among the LGBT community and refers to lesbians, a vagitarian isn’t necessarily a reference to one’s own sexual orientation and gender; simply your preference when um, eating out.
W – Weiner cousins
Weiner cousins refers to two men who have had sex with the same woman or women. In an episode of medical comedy Scrubs, Zach Braff’s character explains that it’s a bond “that’s stronger than family.” In the same episode, weiner cousins are required to hook their index fingers together as a sign of a connection that can never be broken. Gross, but also pretty funny.
X – Xenophilia
To be a xenophiliac is to have an affection for all things foreign. It has been connected to cultural cringe, or a feeling that one’s own culture is inferior to that of others. (cc: Filipino nation.) In the realm of dating, that probably means getting finger cramps from swiping right at all the AFAMs on Tinder.
Y – Yuri
Yuri is a Japanese term that refers to a genre involving love between women in manga, anime, and other Japanese media. In Western media, yuri refers to sexually explicit woman-to-woman anime. But in Japan, the word simply means an attraction between women, whether explicit or implied. The inclusion of yuri in Japanese culture began in the early 20th century and is rooted in the belief that same-sex love is transitory, a normal stage in a female’s development that eventually leads to heterosexuality.
Z – Zodiac signs
Knowing each other’s zodiac sign is a typical way to determine sexual and romantic compatibility, but thanks to the increasing popularity of astrology gurus like Susan Miller and poet-turned-astrologers Astro Poets on Twitter, more and more people are sold on the belief that hooking up with someone with the right zodiac sign is the ticket to romantic success. Or maybe we just tell ourselves that because that hot Libra in the office still won’t say yes to a date.
This article was originally published in the February 2017 Issue of Rogue.