The Rogue Recap: April 28 – May 4

Rich people being rich and the Philippine government being crazy: just another day in the darkest timeline.

by The Rogue Staff


World Leaders Smile Politely at Each Other
The 30th ASEAN Summit, AKA the reason you slacked off from doing work this past long weekend, became more notable for what was excluded from the conversation rather than what was actually discussed. While the Association of Southeast Asian Nations’ ten member states generally agreed on the denuclearization of North Korea, the dispute between China and the Philippines over the South China Sea was more or less avoided altogether — demonstrating the Philippines’ resolve to repair ties with the superpower, and the influence China continues to hold despite its not being a member of ASEAN. The next Summit will be held this November, where the ten nations will discuss absolutely nothing and wordlessly stare at each other from across the table for twenty-four hours straight.


Rich People Adventures: Part 1
The first Monday of May saw the opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute’s annual fashion exhibit, highlighted by the extravagant, invite-only charity ball known as the Met Gala. This year’s Gala celebrated the continuing career and influence of Japanese fashion designer Rei Kawakubo — the second living designer to stage a solo exhibit at the museum. Coverage of the event is limited to the red carpet ceremony, which doubles as its own fashion show, due to a no-camera policy inside the premises. As a result, it remains unclear what actually occurs at the Met Gala, aside from dinner, musical performances, and the reaping of children from their respective districts to participate in the Hunger Games.


Rich People Adventures: Part 2
Luxury music event Fyre Festival has attracted a storm of negative press, online ridicule, and lawsuits against organizers Billy McFarland and Ja Rule after the event was cancelled on its first day. Heavily promoted by Instagram models and social media influencers even before the release of a final lineup, the festival sold tickets priced as high as $12,000, and promised first class food and accommodation in its exotic location of Exuma in the Bahamas. Instead, attendees were stranded on the island destination with poor housing, a lack of food, and the threat of wild dogs. In an effort to spin this as a story of how wealthy influencers are hypocritical and lacking in empathy, many took to social media to bask in their misery. Good job, team Internet!


Allegedly Crazy Secretary Rejected by Actually Crazy Government
The Commission on Appointments rejected the appointment of Environment Secretary Gina Lopez in a vote of eight to sixteen. The unconventional and controversial Lopez is perhaps most known for her audit of the Philippine mining industry, wherein she ordered the closure of twenty-eight mines. A Cabinet review of Lopez’s audit will proceed despite her rejection. Lopez and her supporters have accused those who voted no of being swayed by business interests, while the likes of Senator Panfilo Lacson insist that they do not find Loepz qualified for the position. Meanwhile, a reality TV star is president of the United States, a Filipino boxer gets to make big boy decisions, and Tito Sotto is the Majority Floor Leader of the Philippine Senate. Speaking of which:


Bearded Vagrant Harasses Single Mother
Plagiarist, sexist, and all-around kontrabida Tito Sotto displayed an astronomical lack of comedic timing during the confirmation hearing of Social Welfare Secretary Judy Taguiwalo. Sotto brought up Taguiwalo’s status as a single mother and referred to her as “na-ano,” leading to enormous backlash from social media and public figures alike. Responding to the uproar, Sotto blamed “trolls” for blowing the matter out of proportion and apologized if his critics did not get his humor. We at think we’re pretty funny, but we have to admit that we don’t get it either. In lieu of a punchline, here is an unsolicited apology from us to Sotto’s daughter, Ciara, herself a single mother — because Tito is enough of a joke for this article.