Internet Confessions

Forgive them for they do not know what they tweet.

by Joaquin Santos

Bless me father for I have sinned. It’s been weeks since my last confession.

 

It’s been over a year and I still keep tweeting about Carly Rae Jepsen’s Emotion even though I haven’t heard the whole album yet. I love “Run Away with Me” though.

 

I say I watch a lot of Netflix documentaries but really I spend more time on iFlix.

 

I keep retweeting The New Yorker even though I don’t have a subscription to The New Yorker.

 

One time on Instagram I took a screenshot of a Story of this girl I’m stalking and had to Google if there was an alert that I took the screenshot. It said there wouldn’t be one but I’m still not sure.

 

I post a lot of old family photos but I haven’t actually seen them in months.

 

Sometimes I take photos of my food meant for my feed but I’m so insecure that I just put it on IG Stories instead.

 

I still don’t understand how LinkedIn works.

 

There was a joke I really wanted to tweet but then some international incident happened and I felt pressured not to tweet it anymore. That really annoys the shit out of me.

 

I feel like the worst people online are those who keep posting their thoughts and prayers whenever there’s a tragedy.

 

I don’t really join any online campaigns for important issues because I think that kind of shit does more harm than good.

 

I don’t think the person I am on Twitter will like the person I am on Instagram.

 

I still think that dress was blue.

 

Every time a politician posts a photo of his new limited edition sneakers, I feel like shooting myself.

 

I know the Internet is making me a bad person. And I like it.