Dr. Sotto’s How the MMFF Stole Christmas

The first draft of a children’s story that is totally not plagiarized

by Philbert Dy

The first draft of a children’s story that is totally not plagiarized

Art by Tim Lopez

Art by Tim Lopez

Every Who Filipino down in Whoville Metro Manila liked Christmas a lot!

But the Grinch MMFF , Who lived just north of Whoville also in Metro Manila, Did NOT!

The Grinch MMFF hated Christmas Enteng! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

 

And the more the Grinch MMFF thought of this Who Filipino Christmassing,

The more the Grinch MMFF thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”

“Why, for fifty-three forty-one years I’ve put up with it now!”

“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

THE GRINCH MMFF GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 

“I’ll pick indie films and not typical fare!

No Enteng! No Vice! No laughs they can share!

No movies for kids, only adult themes shown!

Well maybe one Star Cinema…I’ll throw them a bone!”

 

The studios were shocked, their movies rejected.

With no Enteng or Vice, everyone was dejected.

No money was made; well that’s not quite true.

But not nearly as much, and for that…

I will file a senate resolution to ensure that this will never happen again.

(Don’t forget to rewrite this part so it rhymes.)

 

In comes Tito Sotto, who knows in his heart

That the Filipino people don’t deserve any art.

They want the same crap, shoveled year after year

And produced by my brother, whose stuff I love dear.

 

Conflict of interest? To that I say nay!

So what if I’m on his show every day?

What matters is that Tito Sotto knows best.

Not the MMFF, whose selection committee is only made up of experts who have no vested interest in the success of these movies.

(Reminder: Ask Joey if he can think of better way to say this)

 

And what happened then? Well…in Whoville Manila they say,

That the Grinch’s MMFF’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,

And he brought back the toys Enteng! And the food for the feast Vice and the Kris!

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast! And everything was good, because that’s how it is.