The Letter I Would Love To Read To You In Person
The first impulse is always one of love.
The more films I saw, specifically local independent films, the more I wanted to see. The deeper I got, the more responsibility I felt, the stronger the need to do something, to share that which I found beautiful.
Writing in English, I never felt much of a need to write about foreign (non-Filipino) movies—though I’m often asked to, and mostly of Hollywood fare. While I love cinema in general, a passion that has grown exponentially over the years, I feel no need to put myself in service of that which doesn’t need it. The feeling has always been: why write about Juno when I’ve hardly read anything incisive put to print about the great animation of Roxlee? Why write about No Country For Old Men when there’s the brilliantly charming films of Antoinette Jadaone waiting to be discovered by readers? The same held true for a stint I had reviewing films every other week on The Breakfast Show on Studio 23. The informal terms of agreement: I could review anything I wanted, local or foreign, new or old, short or long, so long as they could get clips to show. It didn’t make waves by any means—it was but a single segment on a show for viewers with ADD—but I think it meant something to some people: Kris Villarino, the Cebu filmmaker who made the short Binaliw; the group of young upstarts from Davao starting a series of filmmaking workshops that has only grown over time; or the chaotic arrangement of an entire episode on independent filmmaking (before the term was abused) in Christmas 2005 that guested Raya Martin, Khavn De La Cruz, Mes De Guzman, Roxlee, Lav Diaz, Pam Miras, and a very shy John Torres speaking about his short films in public for the first time.
One thing has slowly progressed into another and, what began as a simple curiosity pursued with sincerity, has evolved into a commitment.
Philippine cinema has given much to me, and one must pay back one’s debts.
I never expected to have the opportunity to travel for/from film, especially not on the expenses of others—but, slowly, the opportunities presented themselves. Traveling is a privilege, and not one that I take lightly. In June 2004, as a fresh college graduate, I attended a conference in Singapore. A few months later, on the basis of my writing, I was selected to participate in the Asia-Europe Foundation’s Meeting of Young Film Critics from Europe and Asia. A few months later, I found myself in Berlin as part of the Berlinale Talent Press (though this was only partly subsidized, and it was a last minute loan from my brother in Canada that allowed me to go). A number of trips have ensued, to everywhere from Singapore (7x) to Hawaii, from New Dehli (2x) to Paris, Rotterdam, Oberhausen, and, of course, precious Slovenia, serving on juries and giving talks. All the time I’ve maintained the same stance: that it is important for people to write about their own cinemas and not let it be left to those outside to dictate what matters.
But these tickets, these travels, are expensive. Hotels are expensive. Time is expensive. The pollution caused by airplanes in the sky will cost us in the long run. When you put all these things together, it equals an investment: a serious investment made on and in an individual. Do I sound like I’m taking this too seriously? Allow me to phrase it another way: without the cultural investment made in me, for the work I have or can do with regard to Philippine cinema, I would have never met you. There is much to repay.
I don’t like writing about the Metro Manila Film Festival. I didn’t like it the first time I did it in 2003, nor did I the second or third time. I didn’t like it as well when, with the help of Erwin Romulo, we drafted a position paper seeking reforms in the festival and attempted to rally established filmmakers behind it (signatories included, among others, Eddie Garcia, Peque Gallaga, Jose Javie Reyes, Erik Matti). It’s not fun being told off like I was a two-bit journalist looking for a quote by filmmakers named Laurice. I didn’t like it, but I did it because part of me sincerely believed we could things. A belief that, for a few moments, was infectious, for even those that knew in the back of their mind that nothing would come of it still chose to take part. A friend whose couch I slept on for much of those weeks sent me a text sometime after, a message that now three years later is still saved on my phone:
There’s a line in AGUILA where a Moro secessionist is told his cause is lost. He replies to him that winning doesn’t matter, it’s doing what one feels one should do. That’s wisdom for you.
My dear Nika,
If there has been a single cause of strain that has stuck out in our relationship it is this: the idea of my attachment to the Philippines, the strong desire you see that I have to live and work here, and the way that, perhaps, you see this as a matter of misappropriate priorities. Does a place mean more than a person? Does my work in the Philippines mean more than the possibility of a life with you, somewhere, anywhere else? Must it be you that moves, makes the (I know you hate the word, but let us use it) sacrifice of moving? And what, if anything, does that say about us—that the scales of our love weigh more heavily on your chalice?
I know you’ve come to terms with the idea of moving here, hopefully next year, we discuss—but I still feel the need to talk a bit more about some of my reasons for wanting to stay, at the very least for the meantime. I’m not attempting to compare my affection for Manila with yours for Slovenia, but only to explain the thoughts that go through my head, the things I feel I must do, things that, perhaps, we can do together.
Yours,
Alexis
61 Comments on this post. Add your own comment below
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your legacy lives on. i’ll be forever thankful to you for inspiring me and making me love cinema better.
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RIP Alexis. I’m glad I got to meet your brilliance and passion for Philippine Cinema first hand.
to add to your wishlist:
I wish Filipinos would be passionate about being Filipinos.
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this is exactly why you will be missed. your work changed the way I view philippine cinema. RIP, mr. tioseco.
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Who said we dont have anything worthy as a country? The irony is it had to take a friend of another land to call our attention away from the much commercialized ‘attractions’ of our neighbors before we fully appreciate and support what has already been allotted to us as a nation.
Yes, the Filipino can and has it! Our frame of thinking needs an awakening. Its is the same frame of thinking that has fettered our country for so long—-even in governance (now that elections are fast approaching) we look for ‘winnability’, ‘popularity’, and allow prejudices to govern when its has been dominating and dictating national politics for so long but wasnt recognized—- same as what Mr. Tioseco relates as the beauty and excellence we have.
Thank you and more power! -
I can’t believe that his dead already. Such a brilliant man. Gone too soon.
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I wish for the same things too dude.
RIP Alexis.
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RIP
we’ll missed u -
Gone too soon my friend, rest in peace to you and your gf..
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love brotha!!! love!!!
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brilliant prose by a brilliant man. ive only read about you now. rest in peace,sir. you live on in your writing.
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Why does God take away all the good people too soon? He’ll surely be missed.
Rest in peace, Alexis and Nika.
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Eggy, why’d you have to go too soon? You still owe me coffee (or tea.) :(
You will be missed.“How are you, Poli?“
“I’m ok. How are you?“
“I’m great. You look sad. What’s bothering you?“
“Nothing. Just tired.“
“C’mon let’s smoke.“And I’ll surely miss sitting in silence with you, staring at the smoke patterns that the cigarettes make while the coffee gets cold.
Rest in peace, Eggy.
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You will forever be missed Mr. Alexis Tioseco. It was a privilege to be part of your first teaching stint at UA&P.
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Not only in Filipina, members of Indonesian film communities who are lucky enough to know him are in shock. Only the good die young! Rest in Peace, Alexis.
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I just saw him at cinemalaya this year at the ccp i believe with nika… wow what a sursprise… only the good one’s die so young. RIP you two
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May you both Rest In Peace..
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yes, we in indonesia are as shocked and sad.
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once you have said, that ten years from now you wanted to be like hafiz. well, i guess every plans and schemes only works coincidentally…may you rest in peace alexis. our short meeting is really inspiring :(
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this is really sad. :(
may you guys rest in peace. -
I don’t know you personally, but when I saw the news on TV this morning I shed a tear. When I read your this article this afternoon, I a sobbed uncontrollably.
I wish you did not feel too much pain.
May you and your dear Nika rest in peace. -
He’s exactly the kind of youth this country needs. It is so sad that he has been taken away by violence in his supposedly native country. He made a choice to stay here and did his best to give his 2 cents to the improvement of Philippine cinema. And this is how he is repaid. So sad. May you rest in peace with your beloved Nika and enjoy the eternal cinema in the sky.
I hope you get reincarnated soon. Serious.
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Rest In Peace Alexis.. glad to know you in person..
Rest in Peace Nika.. -
Monumental loss for Philippine Cinema.
Just when it looked like deliverance was getting closer.
This article is a legacy to Filipinos and Filipino culture.I only saw Alexis on TV once, at an interview with Butch Dalisay re
National Artist awards. His depth and sharpness was most striking. At home in Sydney, we were struck deeply by this terrible news of homicide.The Philippine government owes its people justice.
Whoever hired those demons must NEVER be allowed to get away with it. -
I took his class for one semester. By far, he was one of the most brilliant professors I have ever had. He had this eye for film that I constantly struggle to understand to this day. He could always see the elegance where I could not.
My only regret is that I feel I did not give as much as I should have in performing in his class.
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Dear Alexis, though we met only 4 a brief period of time, I hv alwiz admired ur passion 4 phillipino cinema n brilliance. U hv changd lives n perspectives. May U n Nika rest in peace. I will alwiz miss u dearly..
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I always found some of the movies he showed us during my 1st year sort of dragging… but at the end of the class, he’d always have this enlightening message on the what the movie was all about and how it is so much related to people’s behaviors and thoughts which then would branch out towards the country’s deteriorating however still hopeful future. he had a lot of ideas which was never put to action/writing. it was a tragic incident. it shouldn’t have happened.
I wish I had paid more attention in class. would’ve probably learned more.
Rest in Peace Sir
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I admire the courage that it took for Mr. Tioseco to tell it as it is.
I pray for more truth-tellers to rise as one is made to rest.
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You are a great loss to me, yet I never met you Alexis. Maybe that is why I hurt. Just this noon before I saw the news on television…I was watching belatedly your TV appearance with Cheche Lazaro on the National Artist Award. Working in film and television, I told myself I must meet this brilliant mind. There is so much to learn from him.
I am truly sad. May you rest in peace
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RIP Alexix. RIP Nika…..Slovenia will always remember you with honor
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Happy love will never die…
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sorry in my English,
if not both of you,Lav Diaz,and filmvirus
it might not be able to screen Lav Diaz films in Bangkok
I’m the one who lied in blanket under the row seats
behind you both -
I never knew Alexis, other than by reputation. As a fellow writer, film enthusiast and creative spirit - and as an expat with a great love of the Philippines, I feel saddened at the news of his premature death. But I can see from the many tributes that he must have been a very special person.
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Sir,
May you rest in peace, this is such a big loss for everyone because you are such a great person who is humble enough not to brag about wisdom but is kind enough to share.Thank you! Will continue to pray for justice!
You will forever be my crush -
together in death…
May your souls rest in peace
sherliez
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I remember the time when I got to hangout with you, John Torres, Khavn De la Cruz, Quark Henares and Raya Martin after a film festival. Though I was just the silent kid at the seat, I was completely overwhelmed by your conversation that I was much inspired to know more and write more about film.
It was a great privilege to shake your hand.
Thank you very much Mr. Alex, we will miss you.
And I do hope that the passion for [serious] filmmaking and writing [may it be script or essay] lives on.
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I don’t know Alexis. I was introduced to him by my daughter Banaue who was then doing Lav Diaz’s Ebolusyon ng Pamilyang Pilipino. I read his review of Batang West Side. And admired his writing and his insight. Finally, there’s a film critic! This letter, “The Letter I would Love….“ is a testament to Alexis’ big heart and admirable soul. He is a class by himself. Sayang, we have a dearth of people with character and we lose them.
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Your blogs changed my perspective and belief in Philippine Cinema. You made me love going to see Pinoy movies again… how I wish I had the style, insight, intellect and wit to write as beautifully as you did here and everywhere else.
You and Nika shall be missed. Godspeed.
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birbirini seven iki insanın bu hayatı yaşayamamaları gerçekten üzücü. üstelik sinema gibi bir mucizeyi benim gibi hayatlarına sokmuş onunla yaşıyor olmaları bu iki kişiyi kendimle özdeştirmeme sebep oldu. I am sad for them
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I met Alexis twice but was really taken with him and said I would go to events he organized as often as I could. Such vision for the Philippines. Wrote him (and Nika) this poem from where I am in Germany.
It is my belief that these two wont be resting - two people like that who are so convinced of working for the good keep on doing things for the world and for the Philipines from the new condition of being in the spiritual world and from there they can still touch the lives of many - maybe even more so than in life. We should believe in what they believe in and work with them to realise Alexis’s dream. That is the very best thing to do for them, I believe.
FOR ALEXIS AND NIKA
A white bird
flying swallow-freely through dark pillars
gives my soul the strength it needs.Remembering my beloved
singing as the light falls softly
fills my heart with hope.The knives and guns of this world’s wickedness
seem at times to be a force
in which all good
is utterly destroyed.But love endures
and is the greater force.
We need to remember
when overwhelmed by knives and guns.The goodness that I still see shining in your eyes
cannot be taken from the world;
it shines on still. -
rest in peace Alexis and Nika
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He had so much hope, energy, love, not just for cinema, for everyone who knew him.
I’d always imagined he’d outlive me—that he’d somehow carry the torch (I know, I know—my presumptuousness at assuming I carry anything! But we’re so few that set our eyes on Manila). It seems so wrong.
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This letter is truly moving… it made me wish that I have known Alexis more…
The thing that I will always remember about Alexis was that whenever I will bump into him in any film events, he has a ready smile of warmth & kindness and he always have this humble presence… and he never fails to acknowledge, even with just a nod, the people around him…
God Bless you Alexis wherever you are… and to Nika as well…
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As you said Alexis, “I am willing to meet Nica anywhere else..“ Nica has profound impact on your life and its contribution to pride in the Filipino and his art through films.
Your legacy is your desire for Pinoys to love quality Pinoy films and for the outside world to see and love our quality film creations.
The FAMAS should have and Alexis Tioseco Impact Film Award that will showcase the greatness and creativity of Pinoy films that impact Filipino sensitivity and socio-cultural dimension.
Wherever you and Nica are, wishing you all the best. -
Eggy, I will miss you and our days in UA&P. I am sure you will continue to look over Philippine film and the future greatness it deserves.
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I still get goosebumps and tears streaming down to my face whenever I recall you’re already gone (God bless your soul and Nika’s). I would always ask myself, “is this real?“ ‘cause I’m still in disbelief. And every time, Reality would hesitantly answer me, it is real—you are gone. My heart bursts with combined anger and sadness. Why do those persons (i don’t know if they deserve to be called ‘persons’ anymore) have to…(i can’t say it, it’s too tragic :c )??!! Why?! It’s nonsense. It’s nonsense. :c
There’s nothing left to do but to: 1) pray for the repose of your souls 2) pray that justice, soon, will hunt those people down and punish them 3) convince myself that it was your time and you already served your purpose in this half-cruel half-wonderful world 4) hope all your wishes will be granted and 5) believe that you would still help us fulfill all these from above.
I am so happy and thankful to have met you (as a professor, good friend, and inspiration). I am so proud that you are one of the few who actually stayed in and lived for our country. You will be missed. You surely will be remembered.
No goodbyes. Only good memories.
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i remember getting in touch with a certain filmmaker because of alexis’ writing. i had parts of my email then quoting from alexis’ rogue article because i was truly impressed after reading about the director’s work. i was never his student, but i learned a lot from him through his works (what more if i actually had him as a professor)
thank you, mr. tioseco.
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I’m sad and with dis-appointment. I started to had a lot of questions of “what if” into my mind right now. I don’t know Alexis Tioseco in person. This is the first time I heard about him. I’d learned a lot of things and was blessed since I had my fb account. I don’t understand why should good people be the target because of poverty ?
I believe that we can do something to help our beloved country if we just help each other to fight poverty. It’s not easy but when are we gonna start?
Am crying now and my heart goes out to the Tioseco’s family. May this case find justice Lord.
My prayers are with the Tioseco’s family.
What makes one rich? In living a life of honor and high integrity, leaving the “stuff” and “possessions” aside, giving of yourself to help and care for others, and being a gift to this troubled world yields a rich and full life that is beyond compare. -
fucking brilliant.
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Wow! The story is very well-written. It is very interesting, and it becomes even more interesting when you know that it is true. I adore reading biographies. And this very story reminded me a biography by Theodor Dreiser. There are some common moments. I also hope that the author of this story will be as famous as the well-known writter.
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RIP Alexis Tioseco..
although, you were not my teacher in UA&P, i admire and respect your brilliant works. You have inspired many with your passion for Philippine cinema. very patriotic! thumbs up for you Mr. Alexis Tioseco!!
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Thank you for making it sound easier than it is. It seems as if we don’t have to dream but rather, great things must be done like all the other mundane things we do everyday-which is just how it should be.
I will always admire your work, the passion that you have and the love that you two share. Rest well, together. -
alexis & nika,
thank you for showing us the hope that love will work if those in it will.
alexis,
thank you for you have brought back my love for filipino films, overshadowed before by dismay and disappointment over the rubbish film houses churn out just to earn bucks.
nika,
thank you for your love of language (as i try to see you through alexis’ eyes) and of words. as i say, the pen is mightier than the sword, but it is the tongue that is sharpest of all.
alexis and nika, thank you. lay in peace.
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why is it only in death that i get to know you?
“unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies it produces much fruit.“ John 12:24
May God grant you, brother Alexis, and you, sister Nika eternal rest.
May your Love bear fruit in all of us.
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stef wrote on Wed, September 02, 2009 at 10:13:36
RIP Alexis. I’m glad I got to meet your brilliance and passion for Philippine Cinema first hand.
to add to your wishlist:
I wish Filipinos would be passionate about being Filipinos.
—- this is well said, I have nothing more to add for this is good enough. -
Just finished watching a docu about you mr. Tioseco in ANC’s Storyline. I had no idea of who you were but I was amazed as much as I was intrigued on how your articulateness and brilliance were depicted. I immediately opened my laptop to read your works in the internet and was shocked and very much saddened… To realize why your name sounded so familiar… It was a few weeks back when I had heard that dreadful incident in QC. It is unfortunate that good persons like you, and Nika, with so much to contribute, let alone inspire genuine nationalism especially to us Filipinos, had to be casualties of crime,just one of the bi-products of the ever worsening poverty here, corrupting the minds of most of us…
I could only wish that there would be more Filipinos as brave and passionate in our nation as you.
Thank you for your contributions mr. Tioseco. May you rest in peace.
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I was trying to find the TV channel showing news 24/7 and something familiar caught my attention. It’s Alexis and Nika’s story being featured by ANC’s Storyline. I didn’t know about this tragedy or these people until my Slovenian husband told me about it. Gave me goosebumps while watching the part where this letter is being read, but even more while reading this letter myself. This is the letter I hope more Filipinos get to read. Thanks to Alexis for making me appreciate my being Pinay more.
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The content of the letter is very meaningful, Alexis i could not say anything more, you are a great loss to those who know you, who just knew you, and who wants to know you. Rest in Peace.
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Mr. Alexis Tuiseco was a GREAT LOSS to the world and to the film critics field… He inspired some Filipinos to appreciate local films to the extent that he sacrificed his other interests in life. But his passion for film critic is undying and eternal.I’m one of those people who read the article in ROGUE and it was awesome. Unfortunately, I could never meet him personally, I wish that I once met him before he died…sad but RIP and GOD bless his soul…
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Incredibly inspiring letter!
I WISH all the filipinos would read this article.. And not only filipinos, all the cinephiles and film critics in the world..
And I WISH also there would be more women in cinema, not only in Philippine in any…
hugs from Argentina,
s