Ask Superstarmarian

The Twitter Superstar doles out advice to those in need.

by Superstarmarian, art by Andrew Panopio

One of local Twitter’s brightest stars, Superstarmarian, has taken time out of her very busy schedule as both a mother and a superstar to share her very specific brand of wisdom here on Rogue to help fellow Filipinos who need help in the realm of being a superstar.

Dear Superstarmarian,

You must have heard na siguro that I am engaged na! And I will be a mother soon! I am really excited sa bagong chapter ng life ko, but I am also worried about my career. Do you have any advice for me?

Kylie P.

 

Deer Kylie,

Of course I must have heard! Congratulation! I am so happy for you. Ang pagiging isang ina ay isang blessing in the sky! Alam ko na isa kang mabuting anak at mabuting kapatid. Ayan nga, kakapanganak pa lang sa baby sister mo, bibigyan mo na agad siya ng pamangkin! I am sure magiging mabuting nanay ka rin. Napagdaanan ko na ‘yan, mars. Priority mo dapat ang magiging anak mo, dahil ang showbiz naman andiyan lang yan, handang mag-antay sa mga magaganda at talented na tulad natin, lalo na at kokonti lang tayo. Hayaan mo, nisajest ko na sa management na pagkapanganak mo ay bigyan ka agad ng show na pwede ipalit sa show ni Dong na “Alyas Robinhood.” Pwede itong tawaging: “Alyas Motherhood.” Labyu, mars!

 

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Dear Superstarmarian, Friends have been noticing that I have started to look old in my photos. Like, they say I have gained weight, and that I look very tired. Any advice on how I can look good in my photos?

Martin A.

 

Deer Martin,

You are barking at the correct tree! Bilang sobrang presh na presh ako lagi sa mga photos ko at pati sa personal, bibigyan kita ng tip! First and four most, importante po ang POSTURE. Dapat pag nagpa-pa-picture ka, tumayo ka ng maayos, chin up, chess out, at huwag kang MAMALUKTOT. Second of all, mahalaga rin na iwasan mong mamaluktot ng katotohanan. Mahirap ang spin ng spin, nakakahilo ito at nakakatanda. Pero wag kang mag-alala, pogi ka pa rin sa paningin ko at ni mars Mocha. Tandaan: Beauty is in the eye of the tiger.

 

******

 

Dear Superstarmarian,

I am currently the subject of a lot of gossip. People on the Internet are always spreading false rumors about how I’m doing my job. As one of the biggest stars in the country, can you share how you deal with chismis?

Leni R.

 

Deer Leni, ODK! Are you kidding me?! I eight bashers for brakefast! As in walo silang bashers ko! Well, kung ADIK na ADIK sila sa pagpapakalat ng wrong info about you, bakit di nyo sila ipa-TOKHANG? Tsarlots! Violence is not and will never be the answer. Pero ganyan talaga, for some people, spreading misinformation is their VICE. Fun intendeeeed! Tsarlots! Basta meynteyn ka lang. Sabi nga ni Tita Michelle Obama, if they go low, we go HIGH. Ipakita mo that you are working! Like attend ka sa mga meetings, ganyan. Ay! Di ka na nga pala invited, mars! Hahahaha. Or attend ka na lang sa mga official functions, ganyan. Ayyyy! Di ka na rin nga pala invited, mars!!!