One of the most indispensible tropes of the spy film is the issuance of gadgets, and anyone who’s a big fan of the genre has already envisioned their personal use of jetpacks, ejector seats, and exploding chewing gum in real life. Sadly, technology is hardly ever able to keep up. Most of our fantasies remain the fruits of movie magic. If there’s anything that the spy movie genre has taught us about our dreams of super-spy gadgetry, it’s that the world is truly not enough.
On the other hand, newer entries in the genre seem to show that the spy film is starting to lean more towards the limitations of plausibility and practicality. While Kingsman: The Secret Service is an obvious exception, consider something as early as 1973’s Live and Let Die, which armed James Bond with a magical Rolex that contained a miniature rotating saw and an electromagnet, and compare it to any single gadget from the Daniel Craig-era, which traded in wild gizmos for sensible and practical tools like sophisticated smartphones and personalized handguns. It seems that instead of waiting for life to imitate art, the genre has opted to go the other way around.
In any case, we found ten sleek supertoys that actually exist and make us pine for magical Rolexes no longer:
We start with some of the smallest items in our inventory. If you happen to be hiding some top secret files from the evil henchmen patrolling your hotel, why not do it in style and hide them where no one would ever think to look? Just make sure the rest of your outfit matches the cufflinks, lest you end up looking more like a zero than a double-o agent. Did we mention that it also has a built-in Wi-Fi router?
While a Swiss Army knife will always be the everyman’s preferred weapon of choice, we think that this Everyman Porter Key Knife does all the jobs we’d need our Swiss Army knives to do. No need to fumble through a bulky plethora of tools. Just choose between the Everyman’s knife and bottle opener and you’re good to go. With the way it’s designed to blend in with your other keys, no one would ever suspect it to be the perfect tool for the next MacGyver.
The Sesame Mac Privacy Device is one more way to keep your files top secret as the device locks your computer whenever you leave it and conveniently unlocks it whenever you return. Sesame links to your computer via Bluetooth and is small enough to fit into your pocket (or next to your Everyman on the keychain). Sesame’s settings can easily be adjusted through its computer app, and even includes a two-factor unlocking feature, which requires both your laptop password to be entered and the presence of the Sesame device to successfully unseal your Macbook.
Just as essential as a sleek sportscar, an elegant timepiece is a must for any aspiring secret agent. But it doesn’t take an expert to know that a watch with a built-in magnet is certainly an absurd idea. This is most likely why the Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra >15,000 Gauss is a big deal: it boasts the highest resistance to magnetic fields of any watch in history, and is the technological standard bearer for all Omega watches by 2017. Let’s also not forget that Omega has been James Bond’s watch of choice for two decades now.
This item is probably the coolest thing on the list, bar none. Not only do these earbuds remotely cancel out external noise, but when paired up with your smartphone, they also give you the option to select what sounds to hear and at what volumes. This Wired article describes the application for the Here earbuds in the following manner: “They’re a way to make your commute a little more palatable, to make the concert sound as good in section 331 as in row 1.” That is insane. You can say goodbye to taping awkward microphones underneath your dress shirt when infiltrating a secret meeting. The technology that allows you to sit across the street, enjoy your coffee, and successfully eavesdrop on incognito world leaders now exists.
Surveillance often goes a long way to get crucial bits of information, and if it’s too dangerous for you to watch a secret exchange go down, the key to accomplishing your mission will involve the use of drones. Most of the common commercial air drones we see today are a little clumsy, especially when you need to make a quick, precise landing. Say hello to the Tank Quadcopter Drone, also known as the B-Unstoppable. It can navigate its way through almost any kind of terrain with the use of its adjustable caterpillar tracks, and whereas most people might give up when faced with steep slopes and walls, give them the finger by letting your drone take flight.
Admittedly, this is probably what you should be packing if you’re going to do some close-quarters surveillance. The SKEYE comes in at four-by-four centimeters and is at present the smallest quadcopter drone on the market. One of the upsides of this drone is that because it’s so small, you don’t have to worry as much about wrecking it badly if you happen to crash it. Just don’t crash it into a lake or a moving bus.
We shouldn’t be too quick to think that by adding ejector seats or a built-in missile system, the automobile is suited to the owner. (Frankly, cloaking an Aston Martin is ridiculous.) Performance and appearance of the car itself is what to look out for, as an automobile is as good as anyone’s first impression of you. For your consideration, we submit the 1959 Ferrari 250 GT LWB California Spider. We don’t want to get too technical, but just to let you in on how special this dream-machine is, Ferrari built only fifty of these, and one of them fetched $8,500,000 last week at Sotheby’s.
Then again, you could always ditch the car if you prefer the high-speed water chase. The Quadrofoil isn’t built however to outrun some of the faster jetskis, so maybe you shouldn’t count on it to make a clean getaway. What you can count on is its utter embodiment of the word ‘sleek.’ Once the watercraft hits a certain speed, its hydrofoils carry it over the water, granting its passengers a smooth, seamless ride. If it’s not supposed to get you away from the bad guys, it can at least be your best friend on your next beach getaway.
What we instead recommend for high-action water getaways is this: a personal luxury submersible whose primary feature is its system of vertical thrusters, making it the first and only submersible in the world whose ability to dive depends not on weight or ballasts but on thruster power. The focus on thruster power has enabled the Dragon to go as deep as 400 feet below the surface, a level significant levels of light are barely able to reach. Unless your foes have their own Submersible Dragon (or their own underwater base) you can count on making it out of there without a scratch.